WHY THERE’S NOTHING WRONG WITH WANTING TO LOOK GOOD.

We live in a world where we have limitless options in becoming better or as I like to say, ‘enhanced’ versions of ourselves. Whether it’s physically, mentally, spiritually or emotionally, we have choices. If someone is looking to connect with their faith or find God in their everyday life, they may choose to attend church a little more often, or to someone else it means volunteering at a homeless shelter or giving back to their community. Let’s say you’re talking about emotional well-being; that may involve cutting toxic people out of your life, or learning how to be kinder to yourself or to others by redirecting negative thoughts or being more gentle. The point is, we have options, so why should changing something physical about ourselves be any different? 

There’s a bit of grey area when it comes to physical beauty. We strive to love ourselves the way we are by accepting our imperfections and flaws as badges of honor, because if we don’t, we’re labeled as insecure and superficial. What kind of message do you send to others by cosmetically changing something about yourself? I consider myself a very confident person. Yes, I have insecurities like everyone else, but I’m happy with who I am and how I look. I also, though, want to age gracefully, and I am definitely not against some tweaking along the way. I feel good and I want to continue to do so and if that means some cosmetic enhancements along the way, why not? 

There’s nothing wrong with wanting to look good. 

I’m not talking about body dysmorphia here. That’s a serious condition that requires counseling. I’m talking about being the best version of myself without overdoing it or looking like a clown. I want to look great for my age and a filler here and there doesn’t mean I don’t love myself, and that’s the problem with society. We’re all about empowering, but the moment a woman or man wants to go under the knife, you’re slammed for it and your morals and principals questioned. What’s wrong with wanting to look good if you stick to what’s going to be the best decision for you? How is that any different from me seeing my therapist because I want to focus and my mental health? Why is some self-improvement okay and not others?

When I was 22 years old, I had a breast reduction and lift. It wasn’t a hard decision for me to make. My husband (boyfriend at the time), was sad as any boob-loving man would be, but he was also extremely supportive. I was doing this for myself. My breasts were abnormally large and I was very thin so it was brutal on my body. I LOVE big boobs, but this was absurd and painful. I was suffering from back pain, shoulder indentations, I had to get my bras tailored so they could support my breasts. I couldn’t run without having to hold my breasts, and forget tube tops because all I could wear were corset type bras so I didn’t look like a freak show. My BFF and I would play this game where we’d see how many objects I could hold under my massive boobs, and I can tell you everything from a pencil to a bible (sorry, Jesus) fit snuggly under my boob. I was scared, nervous, but also excited to get myself to a normal size. It was the best decision I ever made. I felt SO much relief both physically and mentally. I wasn’t slouching over in embarassment, I was able to go braless, wear tube tops, regular bikinis without looking obscene, and more importantly, my healthy self-confidence was boosted. 

Now here I am at 38 facing another cosmetic crossroad. I’ve been very vocal about my baby pouch that I’ve been left with after pregnancy. I’ve always been small framed, so even while pregnant, you couldn’t tell I was carrying if you saw me from behind.When you have a baby, your abdominal wall separates to make room for a growing belly, and I was ALL belly. Organs are shifting, muscles are hurting, bones are cracking, but once you deliver, that abdominal wall will more than likely return to normal; but for some women, that doesn’t happen (oh hello, that’s me).  After Maya, I had a small belly, a little flabby as expected, but it just looked like a teeny tiny bump. When Rocco came rocking and rolling, those walls parted and never came back together. I permanently look like I’m five months pregnant. They call that separation a Diastasis. That’s what I have, add an umbilical hernia as a side order too. 

 I constantly joke about the fake baby bulge, I even join in on the laughs too when I’m frequently congratulated on my ‘pregnancy’. I mean, the compliments are so great, I just take them even though I’m not having a kid. From, ‘you are the cutest preggo ever!’ or ‘ I hope I look like you when I’m pregnant!’ How do you not say, thank you, I guess? I love my body. I love how it’s changed after the births of my babies and all it’s curves and wonders, but I am not going to sit here and lie and say that I’m okay with not doing anything about it, because that’s not true. I’m tired of the pregnancy comments and I personally don’t like how it looks when I wear certain clothes or bathing suits. I still wear the clothes and bathing suits, because I just do but it doesn’t change the fact that I want to do something about it and it has zero to do with self-esteem and self-confidence. I’m young, I’m active, and I have the ability to fix it all up get this hot mom bod tightened with a sweet ol’ tummy tuck, because I can, and I will. It’s my body and I ask you again, what’s wrong with wanting to look good? There’s nothing wrong with self-improvement and self-care and I don’t shy away from that. I don’t shy away from my lip injections that enhance my already plump lips because I love how they look. Moderation is key. Remember that. 

Here’s my final two cents, ladies and gentlemen- if you change your hair color because it makes you happy, do it. If you want lip fillers because you want to enhance what God gave you, plump away. If you want some botox because you’re frown lines make you look like a Shar-Pei, I say go for it. Lastly, if you want to age gracefully and you want some cosmetic help along the way, don’t let society allow you to feel like you are any less beautiful or wonderful because you chose to do something about it. The emotional and psychological impact can be beneficial to being the best version of yourself! 

There’s nothing wrong with looking good and loving yourself while doing it. 

In Style,

Kathy