The Rocco Report: 34 Weeks!

Oh Squeezers! Do I have an update for you! My weekly pregnancy post comes to you a couple of days late for several reasons. The first being a last minute staycation/mini babymoon with Coco at the 1 Hotel South Beach ( Maya joined us for the sleepover portion of our two day stay and she did enjoy some late afternoon pool time and dinner after her camp, but thanks to Maya’s grandparents (my dad and his wife), Coco and I were able to indulge in some nice quality time together and much needed rest and relaxation just us two! It sure was sweet. 

The other not so sweet reason- these damn hemorrhoids sent me to the ER. Yep, you read right. I knew they would be a struggle and that they would rear their ugly heads during the last trimester, but this last week has been unbearable. Not sure if you all have ever read Maya’s pregnancy journal on my now inactive personal blog (, but I share in great detail my birthing story, which included this interesting fact- while I was giving birth, my doctor at the time, Dr. Jennifer Wu, was concerned that if tore naturally, I would tear right through my hemorrhoids and I would be looking at a very painful recovery, therefore, she felt it be better to slice me sideways instead of straight on so I would avoid an explosion of pain. Obviously I said, ‘cut away sister!’ The worst part of my recovery after Maya’s birth wasn’t even my beat up vagina or the stitches from the cut. That was a walk in the park. The most uncomfortable and excruciating were the hemorrhoids. And what I have experienced in the last week with these ‘grapes of wrath,’ has felt exactly like the afterbirth and it’s got me sh*&ting bricks- literally.

I can’t sit because it feels like-what I imagine is- someone inserting a small knife repeatedly in my junk. I get these pangs of sharp pain that leave me breathless- and not the good kind of breathless. I have prescription creams, cooling gels, cooling pads,  and nothing really helps. Those sitz baths are a waste of my time and bath water because they’re useless. The only thing that manages to give me some sort of relief are ice packs, so I sleep with an ice pack, I drive with an ice pack, and even do my writing assignments sitting on a Boppy with an icepack. 

So when I went to my weekly appointment with my OB, Dr. Bonilla, I unloaded. I was hoping she had some miracle cure that would take me out of this misery. Well, I got good news and bad news. The good news was that there’s a reason why this was causing me excruciating pain- I had what was called a ‘thrombosed external hemorrhoid,’ which basically means that that particular hemorrhoid has a blood clot inside of it, causing it excessively swell and turn a purplish color. Usually in these cases, all you have to do is slice it to release the clot for instant relief, but I had to go see a colorectal surgeon, who unfortunately couldn’t take me until the next day in the late afternoon. I was dying! I didn’t know if I could wait that long and so I was sent to the ER- a complete waste of time. The only thing they could give me was a big fat hospital bill because they had no one on staff to do the procedure and because the hemorrhoid was not fully thrombosed yet, they did not want to slice it for fear I would excessively bleed. They suggested I keep my colorectal appointment. Great. 

Tuesday at the colorectal appointment with Dr. Hellinger. Don’t I look sexy?! 
I was able to snag a morning appointment with Dr. Hellinger at Mercy Hospital. The staff was more than accommodating after listening to my plight. He was extremely professional, thorough, and informative. Unfortunately, I have to suffer through the next five weeks with this one painful sucker, and revisit after I’ve healed completely from the birth. Because it’s external and not fully thrombosed, we cannot cut into it because of the bleeding, and we can’t band it because banding external hems are just as horridly painful as having them surgically removed (banding is recommended for internal hems). He did prescribe a stronger medication that has 5% lidocaine ( basically a stronger numbing cream). He suggested I keep doing the ice packs since they were helping. He agreed sitz baths wouldn’t offer much relief and he hopes that the inflammation will go down on it’s own from now until labor. And though they are expected to flare during labor with all the pushing, he hopes that when they do heal, they’ll just stay out of trouble and play dead, so we don’t have to remove them with surgery (this happened after I recovered with Maya. They stayed dormant until I was in my first trimester with Rocco). So fingers crossed that my ass catches a break! 

Did I mention that despite all this butt trouble I still feel great?!

All this talk of hemorrhoids makes for a smooth transition to this week’s hot topic- Sex during pregnancy. There are two kind of pregnant women- those that love having sex while pregnant, and those that just don’t. Unfortunately for my husband, I fall under the ‘don’t even think about it’ column, at least during this pregnancy. My temporary condolences to our sex life. 

I know both these women well and I wish I could be one of those women that just craves some sexy time, but I’m not. Quite the opposite. This pregnancy has made me sex repellent. And yes, I do feel beautiful and empowered and super sexy when I’m pregnant, but sadly that doesn’t seem to make me all hot and bothered for some action. A lot of it has to do with my situation down there. I mean, what’s going on in my nether regions is just plain gross, unattractive, and  uncomfortable. And since I’m in the business of being honest, the thought of having sex while there’s a baby so up close and personal to my lady parts, feels like I have someone very tiny watching me. And even though I know (rationally I know this) that having sex won’t hurt the baby or that the baby can’t feel it (as the doctor says), I can’t seem to shake the image of my baby possibly getting poked in the head by a penis. It’s just weird. Then there’s actually finding a position that can be comfortable when you have a huge basketball for a belly. Yes, you have to get creative, but I’m so tired and weirded out to begin with, that the last thing I want to do with whatever energy I have left is try to find some Kama sutra pose that doesn’t feel like I’m some sort of breeding animal. 

Here’s my husband thinking there was going to be a whole lot of ‘Boys to Men’ and ‘2 Live Crew’ sex going on while we made this baby; but, then all his wildest dreams were deflated once I got pregnant right away!  At least we still have pregnancy sex, he thought. Poor poor man. He was disillusioned because my vagina was basically ‘closed for business.’ ‘out of order,’ ‘out to lunch for the next nine months,’ and simply put, ‘shut down due to mechanical failures.’ You get the gist.  Sex was (and is) just not on my mind. 

During pregnancy, you got bombarded with so many articles and data about how it’s common for women to lose their libido along the way but then it comes back (hooray) in the second trimester, or in some cases, it doesn’t come back full force. I found some of these articles reassuring, as well as reading about women who felt the same way as me. My libido left and never came back. It hitched a ride to no-sexy-town. What’s interesting though, is that many men share these same sentiments. They feel weird having sex during pregnancy for some of the same reasons we do. 

If you are one of those lucky men and women that just love a good round of sex during pregnancy, I’m happy and envious of you! For those of us that don’t, there’s still hope! There are many other ways to connect intimately with your significant other and who knows, maybe you’ll have some fun and find your groove along the way! 

I’m all about finding a happy medium to get that happy ending! 

Bumpin’ love,

Rocco’s mom.